I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
