is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
