She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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