it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
