i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
