Umm I'm too high to move.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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