Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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