Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Randomize
