so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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