Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
