somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
