no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
