your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
