my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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