someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
