RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
