Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
