if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
