whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
