I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
