What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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