Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
