Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
