We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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