I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
