Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
