I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
