I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
