The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
