People in love make me want to vomit
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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