I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
