The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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