first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
