From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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