this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
