why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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