I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
