my room smells like sperm. sweet.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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