those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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