I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
