Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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