I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
