I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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