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I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
