I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
