yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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