at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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