He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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