party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
