Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
